Today is my youngest son’s 25th birthday. For many years — 17 to be exact — it was one of the happiest days of my life, a day when I spent not a small amount of time reminiscing about T.J.’s loud and bawdy entrance into this world. Oh, he was so angry and red-faced. My baby.
But eight years ago, what started out with a raucous rendition of “Birthday” by the Beatles, ended with the shell-shock horror, sadness and disbelief that rocked our entire nation.
A few years ago, I wrote a poem about my wildly dichotomized feelings concerning this date, myself so angry that it had been forever sullied, this sacred day for me, as a mother, proud that I was able to bring a life into this world, miracle-maker; and my little miracle, now at 6-foot-2 a much bigger miracle — how dare them.
Of course, I realize my loss — and T.J.’s — is not substantial, feels horrible like I am whining. I didn’t LOSE my son — or my husband, father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandfather.
It’s just a day.
But, then again… it’s not.
For me, for T.J. — for everyone — this day is more than a day.
Yesterday, I interviewed Daryn Kagan. You may remember her as a CNN anchor. In fact, she was on the air on 9/11/2001.
Daryn and I found we had some things in common. We both lost our jobs not of our own accord (I was laid-off, Daryn’s contract wasn’t renewed). We both started blogs focusing on the good stuff, not denying in any way that there is bad stuff that goes on, just wanting to get the good stuff out there.
Daryn’s blog is mostly about inspirational stories and finding that there is good in the world. She has been blogging a story a day since she started in November 2006.
You will read more about her and her story — and some of her inspirations — later.
Today is not the day for that.
After I got off the phone with Daryn — we talked for more than an hour! — I remembered why I started MY blog. Why I took off on my soul-journey. Why I am writing now.
I believe in good stuff — and a big shout-out to all you readers who send stories my way — and I want to get the good stuff out there. To you.
So today I started the day the way I always start September 11 — with a birthday song phone call to my son T.J.
I will end it with my own private reflections and prayers.
In the meantime, I wrote this blog and brownies are in the oven for our neighbor Dwayne. His wife is in the hospital and, for about a week, I’ve promised myself today is the day I will make a batch of brownies for Dwayne, who walks the neighborhood each morning like a lost boy.
Today is the day for that.